Do any of you ever feel unlovable?

[ihatethisdisease]

I have struggled with this as long as I can remember. The level of intensity fluctuates, but I have always felt unlovable. Like I am not good enough, not smart enough, not nice enough, not pretty enough, the list goes on and on. I have really been struggling a lot here the last couple of weeks with this. I always try so hard to make people love me, or to be lovable. And there are a few people in my life that tell me they love me, but deep down it just doesn't sink in. I just feel so unworthy, so unloved. I think that is part of what contributed to my drinking and drugging, because that was one of many feelings I didn't want to feel. I just never feel like I am good enough. I have many other bad habits that I have had for years, drinking and drugging is just one that I am recovering from. I have done better in the others, but they have creeped up on me lately. I used to cut pretty much on a daily basis. But in the last 9 months I have only cut about 5-6 times, one being Thursday night. My good friend, Tom, had me promise him a few months ago that I would call him before I cut. Well Thursday night I called and his phone was off, tonight it is the same. By no means am I blaming him and he knows that. I just hate me so much and cutting is one of the ways I "punish" myself and gain some relief. I just wish that I could feel loved. This was probably a bit too much to share, but oh well.

[cassie]

~My recovery is not dependent on people, it is dependent upon my relationship with God!~

Take your cares to God - and keep coming back. We have to learn to love ourselvs as God loves us, so that we can feel the love others have for us.

You are in my prayers.
cassie

[dalin]

we all love you
an were waiting for you to join us

[peajaye]

In the beginning I felt the same way about myself. I listened to suggestions that were simple. Look into my eyes in the mirror and say I love you. Say it again and again and again just don't stop no matter what. You will come up with your own variation, but you need to learn to talk to yourself better. We all talk to ourselves, it is called "self talk" It has taken years to engrain the idea that you are not good enough and it will take awhile to engrain something better in its place. Write these new affirmations putting them on your mirrors or wherever you'll see them as you perform daily tasks. In addition to I love you, I would figure out what the criticism was i wanted to change, like "I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I don't need to hurt myself today PERIOD
Many people helped me along the way. Coming here will help you access a lot of help. My favorite tool for coming up from where you are is talking to yourself differently. Try talking to yourself as you would a sick friend or family member. We're always so much harder on ourselves. Don't hurt yourself, keep coming back. Just for today, not forever, just today.

[fibiray]

I can so relate to your feelings of inadequacy and feelings of being unloved. I think this is a common thing for those who have come from alcoholic / drug/ dysfuntional home lives. I read a book that I purchased from the aa head office some years ago call the search for serenity and how to achieve it by Lewis Presnall. He is an aa member who had a good understanding of alcoholics / addicts and of those that have come from such home lives. He speaks about changing out negative mental and emotional habits. This is a must in sobriety I believe. I still struggle with negative self talk when things go wrong but I am learning to pull myself up on it. I know that my negative self talk is simply what was told me when growing up and it keeps me in the role of victim. Self hate is another form of self abuse which stems from other people laying their stuff on us. When we hate ourselves we are criticising god as he dosen't make junk. God loves and values all of us even when we don't feel as though we measure up. I have become aware recently of my own expectations of myself are way too high at times and this sets me up to fail, needless to say when I fail i beat myself up. I don't allow myself to be human and try and achieve unreasonable demands of myself and my environment. Keep coming back as you are loved and valued here. god bless.

[admin]

I, too, can relate to feeling unloved. I know it is not true though. I know I am very loved by God, my family and my friends. When I have this feeling, I just hang on and know that this too shall pass and it does. I also have a friend that I talk to about it which helps. You are very loved. Please continue to share with us. We are here for you. :42:

[ihatethisdisease]

Thanks to everyone for responding. I feel better that I am not the only one who has these feelings, not that I want others to feel this way, just that I am not alone, lol.

My son's biopsy went okay yesterday, there were no complications he was in and out. He was in recovery for a few hours and we were home late afternoon yesterday. I go in on Thursday morning for the results. Last night he got a fever and was noticeably not feeling well, so I am going to put a call in to the doctor shortly. Please keep him in your prayers.

I am back to hell aka as work today. Ugh, keep me in your prayers also, lol.

Thank you all for your support.

[leuv21]

i am not really sure with all this.. you know its difficult these days to really find people who love you.. it was very difficult for me at a time.
even when you love yourself and love god.. when you go to bed, you can really come to cryyy.. even at some times suggestions or peaceful moment cannot act as a barrier to this solitude.. you feel like doing nothing in this world.. but faith is important is this life where patience is rewarded and that god does not forget any word or any tears.