If your wondering why I'm posting about internet addiction on this site, the admins have graciously allowed this fool who misinterpreted the title of the website when looking for internet addiction forums to stay and post. So I would like to share with you my experience with internet addiction.

Like many addictions for me internet addiction is an escape, a symptom of a bigger issue. For me it is social issues. I am ultra sensitive and nervous but I never show it and my life revolves around hiding this what I would look at as a weakness or disease.

Why do I say this? Am I overexaggerating? Well I get nervous walking around outside and I get insulted or emotionally invested in little things that to a normal person mean nothing and its not like this ALL the time but often. Like an eyeglance from a dude means he wants to fight or from a girl means she likes me and wants to date. And I feel a spike of emotions inside. Perfect strangers who I've never said anything to.

Now I don't take any action on these things, I just let these kinds of imagined scenarios in my head stay there. The corresponding feelings I feel are stifling and angst when *as any normal peron should* they just walk by .. when here I am spazzing out inside to them its just a stranger which they are barely thinking about.

I don't have a group of friends though I have lots of people that I am friendly with. I am not comfortable with people initially unless I can tell they are nonthreatening.. which in my world means that they are supernice or humanistic and not too assertive, confident, or action-oriented and risk-takers who don't care about hurting your feelings.

Once I establish comfort with a person, which usually requires some on-on-one interaction then I am perfectly at ease, but for the threatening folks I mentioned above I have to put on a fake persona. I pretend to be hard, super confident and have it all together which they by, and I keep this image by never having any further relations with these folks then I have to, because I meet most of them through work. and be someone I'm not, not uncommon with people surely but it just feels really bad and I don't leave I just stay there and put on this bull**** personality which I hate.



So my way of dealing with my lack of courage and my overall frustration with my lack of being able to meet my own needs socially with people is that I escape into never-neverland through watching movies.. posting on internet forums... pornography (its own monster as well, instant-gratification ).. playing chess.. online poker, video games and it can go on and on. My most recent binge took place over 5 days, I was on the computer roughly 14 hours + a day.

These mediums don't require that I face the scenarios that make me feel small and lower then dirt while being able to stay in touch with that humanistic perspective that I naturally have within myself. In general I like being around people a lot, but these negative social skills that I practice which lead to me feeling disconnected from myself and from people even when around them and the lack of initiative and courage that I practice lead to me soothing my frustration and lonliness through achivieving that same feeling of connection via the internet. So its a quick fix but the reality is it hurts me long-term, and it kills me even more that I see it but don't do anything about it.