More Recovery Readings - March

[bluidkiti]

March 1

Wisdom for Today
My motivations for behaving the ways I did were not always healthy and often times got me into more trouble. When I look back at my active addiction to alcohol and drugs, it is clear that one driving motivation I had was fear. I lied to cover up the mistakes I made. I hid my drinking and using from other people so as not to be discovered. I didn't want anyone to know how much or how often I was getting wasted. I let fear make many of my decisions for me. I would avoid doing things because I was afraid. I would pretend I was okay even when I wasn't, because I was afraid to admit to myself how sick I was becoming.
Fear began to take over my whole life. It prevented me from being close with anyone. It made me run from a relationship with God. Fear would drive me to work harder to prove to myself I was okay. In the program I learned I could let go of my fears. I could turn them over, and I could let my Higher Power do for me what I could not do for myself. I learned I could ask others for help. I learned to trust people again and actually begin to make friends. Fear no longer had to control my life. Fear no longer had to motivate me to behave in self-destructive patterns. Fear could be replaced with faith in a Power greater than myself. Is fear still a motivating factor in my decisions, behaviors and beliefs?
Meditations for the Heart
God molds and shapes in our recovery. He cuts away the pieces of our lives that are unhealthy. He shapes and sculpts us into His new creation. This new shape becomes a vessel for our spiritual life. It allows us to experience ourselves as a complete person. I no longer have to walk around feeling like I am incomplete. I know that I am still a work in progress, but I also know that I am as complete as God wants me to be today. As I walk though my days of recovery, the vessel that God is creating becomes easier for me to see. I can begin to understand what He is doing and where I am being led. I can see that what He is doing is making me a better person. He is allowing me to learn a new way to live life to its fullest. Do I stand in the way of God shaping and molding me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You know me on the inside and on the outside. You know how I can let fear get in the way of Your work in my life. Help me this day to be open to changes that You have in mind for me. Let me be open to becoming the person that You want me to be.
Amen.

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You are reading from the book Food for Thought.

Other People's Problems

Sometimes we wear ourselves out trying to solve another person's problem. Is this not perhaps a form of egotism? We feel that somehow we should have all the answers and be able to find a solution to every problem, especially when someone close to us is in trouble.

We may be sympathetic and supportive and helpful, but we cannot play the role of God in another person's life. Even our children must learn from their mistakes, just as we continue to learn from our own. If I trust my Higher Power to lead and direct me, then surely He will also direct my family and friends.

The best thing I can do for anyone else is to maintain my own sanity and sobriety. If I eat over a problem--whether it is mine or yours or ours--then I am less able to deal with it.

There are times when no solution seems forthcoming, when an unfortunate or tragic circumstance must be accepted and lived with in the best manner possible. We may not be able to change the circumstance, but we can be sure that God will give us the strength to deal with it.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

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March 1

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next. --Ursula LeGuin
The world around us changes constantly. Trees turn from green to beautiful shades of yellow, orange, and brown in the fall. Yet, even if we watched the trees carefully, every minute of the day, we could not actually see the colors change. Change requires time, preparation, and patience.
To make the changes we want, we need to let go of unhealthy but comfortable patterns that we're stuck in, the way the trees let their colors change and finally let go of their leaves altogether. We can't have total change right now, no matter how much we want it. It's important to accept both who we are now and who we are becoming. Just as the tree trusts without question that its leaves will grow and lets go of them when the time comes, we can believe in our own power to grow and let go of our accomplishments when the time is right.
When we do, we can be assured that our lives will blossom again, like trees in the spring coming to life after a cold winter.
Do I have any new blossoms today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
As my fathers planted/or me, so do I plant for my children. --The Talmud
The first seeds of this spiritual program were planted years ago by men who also were desperately in need. Rather than restrict their attention to their own painful circumstances, they broke through to a new creative idea - it is in helping others that we help ourselves. They reached out eagerly to help fellow men and women in need. In the process they carried the message to others and found new healing relationships for themselves. This program, which is saving our lives, is here because men before us were willing to reach out and pass it along.
We inherit countless resources and teachings from both our biological and our "foster" fathers in this program. The gift of a spiritually full life inspires and requires us to do as they did - pass it on. We keep the benefits of our recovery, not by holding on to them, but by planting new seeds from our harvest for those who come after us.
I will give freely of my time and resources because the giving enriches me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
What a strange pattern the shuttle of life can weave. --Frances Marion
Each experience we have plays its part in the total picture of our lives. The steps we have taken, the path we travel today, and our direction tomorrow are not by chance. There is a pattern. We each have a destiny. We may have veered off the path in the past, and we may veer off it again. But we'll be guided back, and our paths intersect. None of us is traveling alone. We have each other and the creative force that is at the helm.
When we look around us and reflect on how our lives are influenced by the persons close to us, we become aware that our presence affects their lives as well. Most of us could never have predicted the events that have influenced us. Nor can we anticipate what the future may hold. We can be certain, however, that we are safe; a power greater than ourselves is orchestrating our affairs.
There were times we feared we'd never survive an experience. Perhaps we still struggle with fears about new experiences. But every experience adds a necessary thread to the pattern our life is weaving. We have the gift of reflection. We can understand, today, the importance of particular events of the past. Next month, next year, we'll understand today.
I shall enjoy the richness of today. My life is weaving an intricate, necessary pattern that is uniquely mine.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Letting Go of Anger
In recovery, we often discuss anger objectively. Yes, we reason, its an emotion were all prone to experience. Yes, the goal in recovery is to be free of resentment and anger. Yes, its okay to feel angry, we agree. Well, maybe. . ..
Anger is a powerful and sometimes frightening emotion. Its also a beneficial one if its not allowed to harden into resentment or used as a battering ram to punish or abuse people.
Anger is a warning signal. It points to problems. Sometimes, it signals problems we need to solve. Sometimes, it points to boundaries we need to set. Sometimes, its the final burst of energy before letting go, or acceptance, settles in.
And, sometimes, anger just is. It doesnt have to be justified. It usually cant be confined to a tidy package. And it need not cause us to stifle our energy or ourselves.
We don't have to feel guilty whenever we expense anger. We dont have to feel guilty.
Breathe deeply. We can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for our behaviors.
I will feel and release any angry feelings I have today. I can do that appropriately and safely.


Today I will feel good about myself and accept myself just the way I am. I am open and ready to discover all the miracles of this day. --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/meditations/?p=959

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more Language of letting go for March
Learn to say whatever

"Do you have issues with drama addiction?" I asked my daughter one day, in a serious interviewer kind of voice.

"Of course I do," she said. "I'm the original drama queen."

"Can I interview you about it?" I asked.

There was a long pause on the phone. "I've got a better suggestion," she said. "Why don't you interview yourself?"

I've been addicted to many things this lifetime-- alcohol, heroin, morphine, Diluadid, cocaine, barbituates, Valium, and any other substance that physically or psychologically promised to change the way I feel. I've been addicted to caffeine, tobacco and nicotine-- cigarettes and Cuban cigars-- and opium and hashish,too. I've been caught up in other people's addictions to these substances as well. Some people might say I have an addictive personality. I don't know if I agree with the concept that we can become addicted to people, but if the folks that say you can are right, I've probably been addicted to certain of those,too.

But of all the addictions possible on this planet, I've found my addiction to drama absolutely the hardest to recognize, accept, deal with, and overcome. The rush of emotional energy I feel from drama at the theater, on television(small or big screen), in a book, and most preferably acted out in real life (mine) is the last legal, legitimate jones that society allows.

It's not politically correct to smoke, act out sexually, be a nonrecovering alcoholic, or shoot drugs. But despite all the evolution in consciousness that's unfolded and gotten us to this point, drama addiction is more than politically correct.

Drama addiction is in. Right now, for many people, it's one of the only things giving meaning to life.

Potential guests line up, volunteering to have their relationship and court battles-- things which once were guarded secrets-- broadcast on international cable and satellite TV. Our society can't wait to peek and snoop into their lives. Broadcasting real-life soap operas guarantees the ratings will soar.

In 1999, I wrote the above words in a chapter on drama addiction in my book called Playing It By Heart. But the concept of drama addiction, and transcending it, has been around for a long time.

In 1937, author Emmet Fox wrote an essay in Find and Use Your Inner Power. The essay's title was "Don't Be a Tragedy Queen."

"Self-pity, by making us feel sorry for ourselves, seems to provide an escape from responsibility, but it is a fatal drug nevertheless," he wrote. "It confuses the feelings, blinds the reason, and puts us at the mercy of outer conditions... Don't be a tragedy queen-- whether you are a man or a woman, for it is not a question of gender but of mental outlook. Absolutely repudiate a crown of martyrdom. If you cannot laugh at yourself (which is the best medicine of all), at least try to handle the difficulty in an objective way, as though it concerned somebody else."

Maybe the antithesis to being a drama king or queen has been around even longer than that.

Three tiny Buddha statues sit before me on my writing desk. One is serene. One is smiling. One is sorrowful, doubled over in compassion for the world. All you can see is the top of his head.

"The Kingdom of Heaven is within you," Jesus said.

"Nirvana is a state of consciousness," wrote Anne Bancroft, in an introduction to the Dhammapada, a book containing the teachings of Buddha.

Enlightenment and paradise aren't places we visit. They're within our hearts and heads.

Say, "It's a nightmare," if you must. Even say, "Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening, much less happening to me." But whether you say the words with calmness and serenity, bursting with laughter or a mere giggle, or doubled over with compassion for the pain of the world, learning to speak the language of letting go in the days, months, and years of the millennium ahead means learning to say whatever, too.


God, help me let go of my need to create drama to have a life.

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Cause, Effect, And Transformation
Feeling Depleted

Feeling depleted is a wake up call to slow down, rest and fill your body with vital nutrients and light from above.


There are times in our lives when it seems our bodies are running on empty. We are not sick, nor are we necessarily pushing ourselves to the limit—rather, the energy we typical enjoy has mysteriously dissipated, leaving only fatigue. Many people grow accustomed to feeling this way because they do not know that it is possible to exist in any other state. The body’s natural state, however, is one of energy, clarity, and balance. Cultivating these virtues in our own bodies so that we can combat feelings of depletion is a matter of developing a refined awareness of the self and then making changes based on our observations.

A few scant moments of focused self-examination in which you assess your recent schedule, diet, and general health may help you zero in on the factors causing your depletion. If you are struggling to cope with an overfull agenda, prioritization can provide you with more time to sleep and otherwise refresh yourself. Switching to a diet containing plenty of nutritious foods may serve to restore your vigor, especially when augmented by supplements like B vitamins or ginseng. Consider, too, that a visit to a healer or homeopath will likely provide you with wonderful insights into your tiredness. But identifying the source of your exhaustion will occasionally be more complicated than spotting a void in your lifestyle and filling it with some form of literal nourishment. Since your earthly and ethereal forms are so intimately entwined, matters of the mind and heart can take their toll on your physical self. Intense emotions such as anger, sadness, jealousy, and regret need fuel to manifest in your consciousness, and this fuel is more often than not corporeal energy. Conversely, a lack of mental and emotional stimulation may leave you feeling listless and lethargic.

Coping with and healing physical depletion will be easier when you accept that the underlying cause might be more complex than you at first imagined. A harried lifestyle or a diet low in vital nutrients can represent only one part of a larger issue affecting your mood, stamina, and energy levels. When you believe that you are ultimately in control of how you feel, you will be empowered to transform yourself and your day-to-day life so that lasting fatigue can no longer gain a foothold in your existence. Published with permission from Daily OM

[bluidkiti]

March 2

Wisdom for Today
One of my motivations for drinking and using drugs was to get away from it all. I told myself I was drinking and using to escape. I wanted to get away from the stress of life. I wanted to get away from what caused me pain. I wanted to get away from the arguments, the responsibilities and the guilt. I wanted to get away from the loneliness and sadness. But this was not the real reason I was drinking and using drugs. This is not what I was trying to escape from.

The real reason I was trying to escape was to try and get away from myself. I could not stand the person I was. I wanted to blame everything and everyone else. But the real reason was I couldn’t stand me. I didn’t like me. I didn’t like being in my own skin. I didn’t like how I behaved, the choices I made. I didn’t like what I was becoming. I violated my own value system. I hurt those I cared for. I hurt myself. I had an underlying motive to destroy and punish myself. Recovery has changed all that. I no longer need to run from the person staring back at me in the mirror. Do I still try to run from myself?
Meditations for the Heart
God knows what it is that I need. I just need to go to Him and ask for what I need. I do not need to go to my Higher Power in the same way that others turn to Him. I need to go to God for my needs. When I am weak, I go to God for strength. When I am strong, I go to Him for humility. When I want to fight, I go to God for leadership. When I am afraid, I go to Him for reassurance and safety. When I need help, I go to my Higher Power for direction. God will supply my needs if I go to Him in an unselfish way and ask for what I need. When I am lonely, He is my friend. He does not always supply my needs in the way that I would expect, but He always sees to it that my needs are cared for. This is why I turn my will and my life over to His care. He fulfills my needs better than I ever could. Do I ask my Higher Power to fulfill my needs?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

So often I get things all turned around because I do not examine my motives, the real reasons I behave the way that I do. Help me this day to examine my motives and make choices that are healthy for me. Let me not overlook my motives, but instead turn to You to fulfill my needs. Even when I am not sure of what I need or not clear about my motives, help me to do the next right thing.

Amen.

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You are reading from the book Food for Thought

Changing

As we lose weight, we adjust to a new self. Part of the body we had is disappearing, and this can be frightening. As our physical appearance changes, others may react to us differently. Along with the physical changes come new attitudes and expectations. Though for years we may have wished to be rid of the fat, when it actually begins to go we may fear the change.

What is new and unknown is often frightening. We may have used food and fat to retreat from uncomfortable situations. We may have spent so much time eating that there was little left for anything else. We may have expected all our troubles to vanish with the excess pounds. Now we can no longer hide behind fat or kill time with food, and our troubles may very well still be with us. What do we do?

It takes courage to change, to become a new person. We may decide at age forty to learn to play tennis. That takes lots of courage. New activities, new attitudes, changes in relationships with others--all require courage.

Change is frightening, but it is also an adventure. We are not alone. We have OA. Others have gone through the same changes and can reassure us, one step at a time.

May I not be afraid to change.

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March 2

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe: I told it not, my wrath did grow.
--William Blake
We have a right to claim our own feelings. Sometimes we get angry, but hold it inside because we think it's wrong to feel it. If anger builds inside us, it expands like a balloon ready to burst. If not released, it can make us depressed, or even physically ill. When we give ourselves permission to feel anger, we are better able to get rid of it in a healthy way. Our inner voice can tell us how to let go of our anger. And once we've released it, we can easily get in touch with the feelings that caused it.
When we recognize our anger for what it is--one feeling among many others that makes us unique--it loses its significance, and we can prevent it from consuming us. Indira Ghandi said, "You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist." When we let go of our anger we can honestly embrace each other with open arms.
Am I carrying around anger which could be released today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
The fir tree has no choice about starting its life in the crack of a rock.... What [nourishment] it finds is often meager, and above the ground appears a twisted trunk, grown in irregular spurts, marred by dead and broken branches, and bent far to one side by the battering winds. Yet at the top ... some twigs hold their green needles year after year, giving proof that - misshapen, imperfect, scarred - the tree lives. --Harriet Arrow
We often wish we had been born into better circumstances or blame our parents for our problems. Like the fir tree we could say, "If only I had taken sprout in a fertile meadow, life would be easier." "If only I had had a better life as a boy . . ." "If only I didn't have my particular hardships . . ."
By accepting the facts of our own lives, we mature into feelings of joy and pleasure alongside our griefs. Every man has to struggle with his own unique set of circumstances, even if they are not fair. Fairness is not an issue. Reality is what we have to deal with.
I will accept life on its own terms and rejoice in it.


You are reading from the book Each Day A New Beginning.
Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads. --Erica Jong
There was a time when we didn't believe we had any talents. We couldn't imagine we had any purpose or any gift to give to the world. But it's true: We all have talents, many of them. If we each haven't yet discovered ours, we soon will. With time and the Steps and friends, we will be encouraged to recognize them, to celebrate them, to cultivate them, to dare to give them away.
Utilizing our talents fully, which is part of life's bigger plan, may lead us to new jobs, new friends, to places presently unknown. The prospect of new horizons may excite us. It may also elicit dread. We can trust that, just as we are given no problems too big to handle, we are given no talents too great to develop. The strength to move ahead will always be available if we have faith. And the program offers us faith.
I will look for my talents today. I will also look for talents in my friends. I can celebrate them, and soon the way to use them will become clear.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Feelings on the Job
Im furious about my job. Another man got a promotion that I believe I deserve. Im so mad I feel like quitting. Now my wife says I should deal with my feelings. What good will that does? He still got the promotion. --Anonymous
Our feelings at work are as important as our feelings in any other area of our life. Feelings are feelings - and wherever we incur them, dealing with them is what helps us move forward and grow.
Not acknowledging our feelings is what keeps us stuck and gives us stomachaches, headaches, and heartburn.
Yes, it can be a challenge to deal with feelings on the job. Sometimes, things can appear useless. One of our favorite tricks to avoid dealing with feelings is telling ourselves its useless.
We want to give careful consideration to how we deal with our feelings on our job. It may be appropriate to take our intense feelings to someone not connected to our workplace and sort through them in a safe way.
Once we've experienced the intensity of the feelings, we can figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves on the job.
Sometimes, as in any area of our life, feelings are to be felt and accepted. Sometimes, they are pointing to a problem in us, or a problem we need to resolve with someone else.
Sometimes, our feelings are helping to point us in a direction. Sometimes, they're connected to a message, or a fear: Ill never be successful. . .. Ill never get what I want. . .. Im not good enough. . . .
Sometimes, the solution is a spiritual approach or remedy. Remember, whenever we bring a spiritual approach to any area of our life, we get the benefit.
We wont know what the lesson is until we summon the courage to stand still and deal with our feelings.
Today, I will consider my feelings at work as important as my feelings at home or anywhere else. I will find an appropriate way to deal with them.


Today I am letting go of all energy that is resisting the truth about me. That energy is being replaced with positive and loving energy, and I am accepting that I am okay just the way that I am. I am now open to see the miracle of love in my life. --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/meditations/?p=965

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More Language Of Letting Go
Don't stir the emotional pot

"My bill collector called today," a friend said to me one day. "I love it when she does, we have a good fight. She tells me that I owe her company money. Then I say I know. She tells me that my balance is due. I tell her I know that,too. Then she asks why I haven't sent a payment. I tell her that the reason I didn't send a payment is because I told her last month I could send only twenty dollars a month and she said not to send it, because that wasn't enough. That's when the screaming starts. Then she yells at me to get a job, I scream back that I'm trying and she ought to get a better job herself. Then we both slam down the phone and don't talk to each other until she calls again next month.

Some of us intentionally stir up drama to release emotions, get the pot brewing, and add a little energy to our lives. Sometimes we can cause trouble in areas where we'd be better off without it. Turning our home into a battleground doesn't leave us a good place to live.

Sometimes when we're stressed, we just like to get those emotions out. And what better way to get them out than by engaging in a good old-fashioned fight. Just make sure you're not making an enemy out of someone whom you'd rather have as a friend. And check to see that you're not taking your stress out on an innocent bystander, a lover, family member, or friend.

God, help me let go of my need for dysfunctional drama in my life. Help me make sure I'm not taking my stress out on the people I love. If I am, show me another way to release my emotions.

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Generate Your Own Patterns
Becoming Your Parents

We don’t need to become our parents, we can transform our lives and release all patterns and chains that bind.


Heredity plays a role in almost all human development, whether physical, mental, or emotional. We tend to look like our parents and are subject to the same sensitivities they have. We may even be predisposed to certain behaviors or preferences. As we grow older, we become increasingly aware of the traits that exist within us and the clear history of the traits of our mothers and fathers. Our response to this epiphany depends upon whether the inclinations, tendencies, and penchants we inherited from our forebears are acceptable in our eyes. We may honor some of these shared traits while rejecting others. However, there is no law of nature, no ethereal connection between parents and children, that states that the latter must follow in the footsteps of the former. We are each of us free to become whoever we wish to be.

When we accept that our parents are human beings in possession of both human graces and human failings, we begin to regard them as distinct individuals. And by granting mothers and fathers personhood in our minds, we come to realize that we, too, are autonomous people and in no way destined to become our relations. While we may have involuntarily integrated some of our parents’ mannerisms or habits into our own lives, conscious self-examination will provide us with a means to identify these and work past them if we so desire. We can then unreservedly honor and emulate those aspects of our mothers and fathers that we admire without becoming carbon copies of them.

Though many of the tempers and temperaments that define you are inherited, you control how they manifest in your life. The patterns you have witnessed unfolding in the lives of your parents need not be a part of your unique destiny. You can learn from the decisions they made and choose not to indulge in the same vices. Their habits need not become yours. But even as you forge your own path, consider that your parents’ influence will continue to shape your life—whether or not you follow in their footsteps. Throughout your entire existence, they have endeavored to provide you with the benefit of their experiences. How you make use of this profound gift is up to you. Published with permission from Daily OM

[bluidkiti]

March 3

Wisdom for Today
When I would go to the bar and the bartender would ask me what I wanted, I would respond, “Top shelf!” When I talked with my dealer and He would ask what I wanted, I would say, “More!” These responses were really a sign of a much deeper problem. I always wanted more. I always wanted it all, the best and a little bit of everything. I wanted to have money. I wanted happiness. I wanted to be a good husband and father. I wanted the best job. I wanted to be important. I wanted, and I wanted.
When it came right down to the heart of it, I was just plain greedy. Greed was a huge motivator for me. I envied others who had more than I did. I hated those people who found success when I could not find it. I was jealous of my friends when they had something I did not have. I wanted it all. My addiction to alcohol and drugs took away most of what I did have. My self-worth was diminished to a pile of rubble, and I still wanted it all. Greed motivated me to do things that I am not proud of: stealing, manipulating, and using others for my gain. In recovery I admitted defeat and no longer was greedy for anything. I just wanted to live. In recovery I have experienced grace and received much. Everything I have is as a result of God doing for me what I could not do for myself. I regained my family, got out of debt, no longer worry about police officers coming to get me and have found satisfaction and gratitude. Does greed still motivate my thinking, actions and decision-making?
Meditations for the Heart
At the end of many of the Twelve Step meetings I attend, they close with a prayer from the Bible – the “Our Father.” This is a prayer that I had prayed many times as a child, yet had little understanding of. In my drunkenness and active addiction to drugs, I rebelled against God. In recovery I was left with no choice but to turn back to God as I understand Him. Calling my Higher Power, “Father” was something that bothered me a lot at first. Maybe it was because of my own shame, or because of the issues I had with my own father, or maybe it was just because I had been such a poor father myself; but I struggled with whole concept of calling my Higher Power, “Father.” I am not really sure of all the reasons. However, in recovery, as I got more and more honest with myself, it became easier to see how childish I had behaved in my addiction. I was a child who needed a father. I guess that is how I always behaved. My Higher Power is there for me and loves me like the Heavenly Father He is, and today I can love Him back like a child. Do I see that I really need a Spiritual Father?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You are indeed my Spiritual Father; and You reach out to me and care for me. Give me direction, and love me simply because I am Your child. Forgive me for all my childish behaviors. Help me this day to rid myself of greed and to seek instead to be of service. Teach me to know Your will for me.
Amen.

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You are reading from the book Food for Thought.

Precision

For the success of our program, many of us have found that it is important to be precise when we weigh and measure our food. It has been our experience that carelessness and sloppiness lead to cheating and bingeing.

An extra spoonful or ounce here and there may not seem important, but it can soon become an extra portion. Then it is easy to think that since we have not followed our plan exactly, we might as well go ahead and really indulge.

There are circumstances when weighing and measuring is impossible; then we estimate as best we can. However, for most of us, most of the time, precise measurements are possible and are a valuable aid in maintaining abstinence. Each time we put back the extra spoonful of carrots and cut away the extra ounce of meat, we are stronger. It is always the first extra bite that is the downfall of the compulsive overeater. If we are careful and precise in our measurements, we will not take it.

Accuracy is honesty.

Make me honest with myself, Lord.

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March 3

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly. --Thomas Jefferson
Some of the necessary things we do are tiring and annoying. Many of these things we must do regardless of how we feel about them. Doing dishes day after day can be a tiresome job but, no matter how much we hate it, it must be done sooner or later. We might discover, if we look hard enough, how chores like this can actually be enjoyable, if we do them right. Perhaps dish washing is a time for listening to music and singing along, or an opportunity for conversation between family members as we help one another.
Our willingness to look for the hidden treasure and opportunities in tasks we might otherwise consider dreary will never fail to reward us.
What opportunity can I see in my next chore?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
"Why are you rushing so much?" asked the rabbi. "I'm rushing after my livelihood," the man answered.
"And how do you know," said the rabbi, "that your livelihood is running on before you, so that you have to rush after it? Perhaps it's behind you, and all you need to do is stand still." --Tale about Rabbi Ben Meir of Berdichev
Most of us accept the standard ideas we were taught. "Men should be good providers." "We will get self-esteem from hard work." "It is a virtue to be productive." "It's better now to have too much time to think."
A major crisis can quickly change our perspective. Perhaps someone close to us dies, and we are faced with how temporary life is. Or we have a health crisis, or a relationship crisis, or an addiction crisis. The standard ideas come crashing down. We look closely at the rush of our lives and ask deeper questions: Are we hurrying to a worthwhile goal? Or are we losing out in our great rush? These doubts can teach us personal things that society can never teach us. Wisdom comes out of pain and the willingness to learn from it.
Today, I will allow some time to stand still and reflect.


You are reading from the book Each Day A New Beginning.
Most kids hear what you say; some kids do what you say; but all kids do what you do. --Kathleen Casey Theisen
We are role models for many people: our children, our co-workers, other women in the program. Step Twelve encourages us to set good examples for anyone who might be looking on. Living a principled life takes practice, and progress, not perfection, is hoped for.
Abstinence has offered is a new set of tools for shaping our behavior. No longer must we regret what we did yesterday or last week. We are learning to monitor our actions, but even more importantly, we are defining our values. They, in turn, influence what we say and do.
Thoughtful responses to the situations we encounter require conscious attention to those events. We need reminding, perhaps, that our behavior is continuously telling others who we are, what we value, and how we view people close to us. All of us, consciously or otherwise, imitate behavior patterns of persons we admire. Unfortunately, we sometimes mimic unfavorable behavior, too.
There are those casting their attentions our way. The opportunity to model favorable behavior awaits us.
People will follow my lead. I shall walk softly, humbly and lovingly.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Accepting Ourselves
While driving one day, a woman's attention focused on the license plate of the car ahead. The license read: "B-WHO-UR." How can I? she thought. I don't know who I am!
Some of us may have felt confused when people encouraged us to be ourselves. How could we know ourselves, or be who we are, when, for years, many of us submerged ourselves in the need of others?
We do have a self. We're discovering more about ourselves daily. We're learning we're deserving of love.
We're learning to accept ourselves, as we are for the present moment--to accept our feelings, thoughts, flaws, wants, needs, and desires. If our thoughts or feelings are confused, we accept that too.
To be who we are means we accept our past--our history--exactly as is.
To be ourselves means we are entitled to our opinions and beliefs--for the present moment and subject to change. We accept our limitations and our strengths.
To be who we are means we accept our physical selves, as well as our mental, emotional, and spiritual selves, for now. Being who we are in recovery means we take that acceptance one step further. We can appreciate ourselves and our history.
Being who we are, loving and accepting ourselves, is not a limiting attitude. Accepting and loving ourselves is how we enable growth and change.
Today, I will be who I am. If I'm not yet certain who I am, I will affirm that I have a right to that exciting discovery,


Today I am open to all the powers of the universe. I am letting them work for me and carry me to my next step...JOY! --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/meditations/?p=970

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More Language Of Letting Go

Don't take storms personally

Somewhere out in the Pacific, a storm brewed and swirled and thrashed and died without ever touching the land. Three days later, under a clear blue sky, the storm surge reached the California coast near Los Angeles. The sea threw rocks at my house, and the waves stacked up and crashed down against the pilings of the foundation. Farther up the street, the ocean ate the back porch of two houses. All night the shoreline trembled and shook from the power of the sea.

The next morning the tide pulled back, the swells calmed, and the sky stayed blue. I walked down the beach, impressed at the way the ocean had littered it with huge chunks of driftwood and rocks. Then I walked back upstairs and drank my morning coffee.

Sometimes, storms aren't about us.

Sometimes, friends or loved ones will attack us for no apparent reason. They'll fuss, fume, and snap at us. When we ask them why, they'll say "Oh, I'm sorry. I had a bad day at work."

But we still feel hurt and upset.

Hold people accountable for their behavior. Don't let people treat you badly. But don't take the storms in their lives personally. These storms may have nothing to do with you.

Seek shelter if necessary. Get away from curt friends until they have time to calm down, then approach when it's safe. If the storm isn't about you, there's nothing you need to do. Would you try to stop the ocean waves by standing in the surf with your arms outstetched?

Say whatever. Let the storms blow through.

God, help me not to take the storms in the lives of my friends and loved ones too personally.

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Putting Power In Perspective
Always Be For Something

Always be FOR something, not AGAINST. Being FOR something takes less energy as it is already in a lighter form.


As human beings, we cannot help but be subject to our preferences. However, we do have control over the manner in which these manifest themselves in our lives. Every value we hold dear is an expression of either support or opposition, and it is our perspective that determines whether we are for something or against it. As an example of a situation we are all familiar with at this time: We can direct our energy and intentions into activities that promote peace rather than using our resources to speak out in opposition of war. On the surface, these appear to be two interchangeable methods of expressing one virtue, yet being for something is a vastly more potent means of inspiring change because it carries with it the power of constructive intent.

When you support a cause, whether your support is active or passive, you contribute to the optimism that fuels all affirmative change. Optimistic thoughts energize people, giving them hope and inspiring them to work diligently on behalf of what they believe in. Being for something creates a positive shift in the universe, which means that neither you nor those who share your vision will have any trouble believing that transformation on a grand scale is indeed possible. To be against something is typically easy, as you need only speak out in opposition to it. Standing up for something is often more challenging, because you may be introducing an idea to people that may scare them on a soul level.

Throughout your life, you have likely been told that the actions of one person will seldom have a measurable impact on the world. Yet your willingness to stand up for what you believe in instead of decrying what you oppose can turn the tides of fate. The thoughts you project when you choose to adopt a positive perspective will provide you with a means to actively promote your values and, eventually, foster lasting change. Published with permission from Daily OM

[bluidkiti]

March 4

Wisdom for Today
When I look back at my days of active addiction to alcohol and drugs, it is clear that the primary thing that motivated my thinking, behavior and choices was selfishness. I got high because I wanted to, and I got drunk because I wanted to. It was all about me. I really didn't stop to think about others; my drinking and drugging always came first. It didn't matter that it was important to others that I be responsible for my actions and choices. It didn't matter what consequences I might experience because of my choices or behavior. It didn't matter whom I hurt, including myself. What did matter was satisfying my compulsion to drink and get high.
Even when I was hitting bottom, I still thought about my desire to get high before I thought about others or myself. I really didn't care anymore about anything except my own selfish needs. In recovery I have learned a new way of living my life. Learning this new way of living was not something I could have done on my own. It has happened only because my Higher Power has done something for me that I could not do for myself. He has freed me from the selfishness that controlled my life. I am not bothered by the compulsion that drove me to an insane way of living. I can now get outside of my own selfish desires and seek to follow the path that the program has set before me. I can use each of the steps and the principles of the program to deal with any situation that happens in my life. I do not do this perfectly, but I am making progress. I have not yet reached the goal, but I am on the way that leads to it. Do I let selfishness come back into my life?
Meditations for the Heart
One step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other, I have followed the lead of my Higher Power to a new place. This new place is about change, and change is not always easy. In fact, I am often my own worst enemy. It does not matter if things are going well or things in my life are going badly. There is no situation in my life I can't make worse. In success I can get arrogant and over-confidant. In failure I can get self-destructive and want to just give up. Change is a part of life. I have a choice to accept that God will walk with me through all changes I face, or I can go back to dealing with life on my own terms. The longer I am in recovery the more natural it feels to let go and let God. It becomes second nature to seek after His will for me and ask for the power I need to carry out His will. If I turn to my Higher Power in all that I face, both the good times as well as the bad, I can be confident that He will lead me to where it is that I am supposed to be. Have I made a decision to turn my life over?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Keep me on the path of recovery today. Help me to seek You out in all that I do. Let me be of service to Your will as I walk through this day. Let me not even consider my own selfish ways, but instead help me to use the principles of the program to serve as my guide today. Help not only me but also all addicts and alcoholics who turn to You today for help and guidance.
Amen.

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You are reading from the book Food for Thought.

Doing What Feels Good

Doing anything as long as it feels good is a trap. We like to eat for the sheer sensual pleasure of the experience, and we would like to continue long after our need for nourishment has been met. Once our appetites are out of control, we cannot stop, not even when the pleasure has turned to pain.

Unbridled, uncontrolled sensuality will destroy us. Rational knowledge of when to stop is not enough. We may know with our minds that we should not be eating, but still be unable to stop the action of our bodies. If we are unable to control our sensuality with our minds, then how is it to be done?

OA members testify that there is One who has all power, including the power to enlighten our darkness and prevent our self destruction. Through daily contact with this Higher Power, we develop spiritual strength which will control and direct our physical drives so that they do not control and destroy us.

Take my sensuality, Lord, and control it.

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March 4

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
I celebrate myself, and sing myself, and what I assume, you shall assume. --Walt Whitman
Some of us may think Walt Whitman must have been terribly conceited to have written words like that. But he wasn't. He knew himself well, and accepted himself, even his darker side. He could laugh at himself and celebrate his humanness.
And because he loved and accepted himself just as he was, others could do the same. That's difficult to understand sometimes, but it's true: no one else is going to love and accept us until we come to love and accept ourselves.
We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves, so perhaps it makes sense to apply a variation of the Golden Rule: "Do unto ourselves as we would have others do unto us."
Can I allow my kindness to myself overflow to another person today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act. --Sophocles
Growing into masculine wholeness is a journey into greater responsibility for our lives. We have choices to make every day. Taking responsibility means choosing between the options we have and then accepting the consequences. Sometimes both choices are undesirable, but we have to choose anyway. Do I expect to be perfect in my choices? Do I demand that someone else take responsibility for me? Do I defiantly refuse to accept the options I have?
This program seems like a paradox- the First Step asks us to accept our powerlessness, then we are expected to go on and stop being passive in our lives. The Serenity Prayer speaks to us about this dilemma. We ask for the serenity to accept what we cannot change and the courage to change what we can. Fully admitting our powerlessness sheds a burden and frees us to go on from there, actively doing what we can.
If something is awaiting my action today, may I have the courage to move forward with it. Even small movement is progress.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters, in the end. --Ursula K. LeGuin
Goals give direction to our lives. We need to know who we are and where we want to go. But the trip itself, the steps we travel, offer us daily satisfaction moment by moment--fulfillment, if we'd but realize it. Too often we keep our sights on the goal's completion, rather than the process--the day-to-day living that makes the completion possible.
How often do we think, "When I finish college, I'll feel stronger." Or, "After the divorce is final, I can get back to work." Or even, "When I land that promotion, my troubles are over." Life will begin "when"--or so it seems in our minds. And when this attitude controls our thinking, we pass up our opportunity to live, altogether.
Looking back on goals already completed in our lives, what so quickly follows the end of a job well done is a let-down. And how sad that the hours, the days, the weeks, maybe even the months we toiled are gone, with little sense of all they could have meant.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Higher Power as a Source
I've learned I can take care of myself, and what I cant do, God will do for me. --Al Anon member
God, a Higher Power as we understand Him, is our source of guidance and positive change. This doesn't mean were not responsible for ourselves. We are. But we aren't in this alone.
Recovery is not a do it yourself project. We don't have to become overly concerned about changing ourselves. We can do our part, relax, and trust that the changes well experience will be right for us.
Recovery means we don't have to look to other people as our source to meet our needs. They can help us, but they are not the source.
As we learn to trust the recovery process, we start to understand that a relationship with our Higher Power is no substitute for relationships with people. We don't need to hide behind religious beliefs or use our relationship with a Higher Power as an excuse to stop taking responsibility for ourselves and taking care of ourselves in relationships. But we can tap into and trust a Power greater than ourselves for the energy, wisdom, and guidance to do that.
Today, I will look to my Higher Power as a source for all my needs, including the changes I want to make in my recovery.
I will not forget that every moment of every day I can be God-centered and joyous. The goal I'm striving toward will carry with it a special gift; it will offer the growing person within me an extra thrill, if I've attended to the journey as much as its end.


Today I will stop and ask, "How important is it?" When I find myself defending or trying to prove my point, I am in the process of learning to trust my own truth. When it feels right inside, I am seeing that is all that I need. --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/meditations/?p=975

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More language of letting go
Allow for differences

He's rational. He wants examples of the problem and wants to focus on and find a solution.

She wants to talk about how she feels.

He wants to sit in front of the television and click the remote control.

She wants to cuddle on the couch and look into his eyes.

He deals with his stress by playing basketball with his friends, tinkering with the car, or going for a hike.

She wants to go to a movie, preferably one that makes her cry.

I spent much of my life thinking that men and women-- and generally all people-- should just be the same. It took me a long time to realize that while we have much in common with other people, we're each unique.

It took me even longer to realize that the practical application of this meant I had to learn to allow for differences between the people I loved and myself.

Just because we have something in common with someone, and might even think we're in love, doesn't mean that each person is going to respond and be the same.

So often in our relationships, we try to get the other person to behave the way we want. This forcing of our will on them will ultimately become a great strain. It can also block love. When we're trying to change someone else, we overlook his or her gifts. We don't value the parts of the person that are different from us, because we're too busy trying to change the person into someone else.

Allow for differences, but don't just allow. Appreciate the differences. Value what each person has to offer and the gifts each person can bring.

Learn to say whatever, with a spark of amusement and curiosity, when someone isn't the same as you. Try getting a kick out of the unique way each person approaches life.


God, help me understand the rich gifts that letting go of control will bring to my life.

Activity: This activity is designed to help you allow for and appreciate the differences between you and someone important in your life. That important someone might be a child, a spouse, a best friend, a colleague, or a parent. The purpose of this activity is to promote awareness. Make a list in your journal. Put your name on top of it. Next to your name, put the other person's name. Now, list what's different and what's the same about you and the other person. Maybe some of the things that are different are attributes you'd like to attain for yourself. Maybe not-- maybe the differences are simply that-- different ways of coping with and responding to life. Maybe your ideals and behaviors are truly incompatible and being around this person just isn't acceptable for you. At the least, this list should give you some ideas for areas where you could practice letting go.

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Violet-Flame Meditation
The Power Of Transmutation

Use the Violet-Flame meditation as a powerful tool to release negative karma, raise your vibration and consciousness.


The violet flame is a powerful tool anyone can use in meditation. It helps release negative karma, raise your consciousness awareness, the frequency of your vibration, and accelerate your spiritual growth. Energy can’t be erased but it can be changed, transmuting negative into positive, darkness into light. This allows you to make the choices you feel negatively about become positive, while also changing your emotional experience. Physically, the violet flame releases emotions and energy pent up within that make you vulnerable to illness and disease.

The violet flame in meditation uses a combination of affirming thoughts and visualization. Once centered, begin by surrounding yourself with white-and-blue protective energy. You may even want to call on archangel Michael for his protection while you go into this powerful spiritual state. Then repeat thoughts such as “I am cleansed and purified by the violet flame.” Picture a huge bonfire before you, its immensity making you feel small beside it, and marvel as the colors flicker between purple, violet, and bright pink. Sense its warmth while noticing that it will not burn you. Step into the flame, letting it surround you entirely while also filling the spaces in your body, your thoughts, even the cells and molecules within you. Once there, focus on the positive things you’d like to create in your life or your hopes for others. Visualize the violet flame in the midst of the scenes as they unfold in your mind. You may want to ask that the power of the flame be multiplied to assist those in need.

When you have finished your meditation, be sure to close with gratitude. The violet flame is a powerful tool that should be used consciously and with intent. Forgetting to close with thanks keeps you connected and may lead to the unintentional misuse of this energy. It is always a good idea when finished with any spiritual practice to give thanks as this creates closure. Saints and adepts throughout the ages have known how to use the violet flame, but it is available for all to use to raise our awareness and, eventually, that of all mankind. Published with permission from Daily OM

[bluidkiti]

March 5

Wisdom for Today
"Just for today!" Three small words with a lot of meaning! Today was a very hard place to live in my addiction. Most of the time I lived in the past and was filled with regret and remorse, or I lived in the future and experienced life with a sense of morbid fear. What was going to be the next bad thing to happen in my life? Could it get any worse? Learning to live in today is a skill that I had to learn. I understood the words but had little understanding of how to put them into action. In early recovery it seemed I spent a lot of time dreaming about the past. It seemed that I couldn't stop thinking about getting wasted. If I wasn't thinking about the past, I worried about the future. Would recovery be worth it? Would I ever be happy again? I just didn't know.
It seemed like I didn't have the slightest clue of how to live in today. I worried about staying clean and sober for the rest of my life. I thought about all the bad things I had done. I just couldn't seem to get in today. Then one night at a meeting it all seemed to click. I was making myself miserable. Nobody else was doing this to me. I was doing it to myself. If I put even half the energy into staying in today as I did the future or the past, maybe, just maybe I could be happier. I am not sure what happened at that meeting or even what was said to get me thinking this way but it worked. I started focusing on just staying in today. Life didn't seem so complicated. Life got better - just for today! Do I live in today?
Meditations for Today
I now like getting up in the morning. This was not always the case. I used to worry about what I did the night before, but today things are different. I can wake up and start my day in a good way. I can start my day with my best friend. This is how I came to know my Higher Power. My Higher Power became my best friend, and I can start my day each day with Him. Some days I do better with this than others, but I know He is there for me each and every morning. Spending time with my best friend is a great way to start my day. It keeps me centered. It keeps me focused. It keeps me happy. It gives me someone to bring my problems to. I find answers to the questions I have. I find new questions to ask. I gain strength, hope, and occasionally I even get some wisdom. Yes, getting up in the morning is not hard to do at all anymore. Do I start my days differently now?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
Each day You give me new breath. What I do with that breath is up to me. Help me to do what You want me to do today. Let me stay consciously aware of this day and Your plans for me in it. Thanks for being my friend and for all that You do for me!
Amen.

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You are reading from the book Food for Thought.

Old Tapes

In the recesses of our minds, each of us has old tapes stored away which tend to be played over and over again. These tapes may have been recorded so long ago that they have little if anything to do with our present situation.

The tapes which are recordings of positive thoughts and experiences can be helpful when replayed. Unfortunately, we each possess many tapes which are negative and self destructive. They include resentments, fears, and hates. When one of these negative tapes begins to play, we may find ourselves opening the refrigerator or going out to buy food which we should not have. Often the tapes continue to play while we are eating.

Taking an inventory each day makes us increasingly aware of our negative emotions: anger, envy, irrational anxiety. Admitting mistakes and making amends relieves us of the guilt associated with our character defects.

By giving our lives to God and staying in contact with Him, we are able to turn off the negative tapes. We receive new thoughts and positive feelings: hope, faith, love.

I pray that my thoughts and feelings may be purified.

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March 5

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The farmer may only be planting a seed, but if he opens his eyes he is feeding the whole world. --Omaha Bee
A traveler journeying through a small village came upon some workers building an impressive structure. "What are you doing?" he asked. The first worker, a young, impatient man, replied in disgust, "I am making three dollars an hour and I'm getting very tired!" The visitor asked another man the same question. "I'm mixing concrete, as you can plainly see," came the sarcastic reply. Finally, a woman working nearby left her wheelbarrow full of bricks and approached the stranger. "We are building a hospital," she said with pride. "Now we will be able to care for all the region's people. Babies will be born here. Lives will be saved."
The stranger looked at the woman with admiration and spoke directly to her. "I know, for this is my hospital. Only you hold the vision of what it is you are creating." The wealthy benefactor then put the woman in charge of construction so his hospital would be built by one who truly understood.
Will I see the importance of even the small things I do today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
If not for the beast within us we would be castrated angels. --Hermann Hesse
Let's not confuse the surrender, humility, and serenity of this program with the perfection of angels. Today we are more alive because we are no longer destroying ourselves, or numbing ourselves, or shaming ourselves. We are men with the strength we need to meet the problems and excitements of the day. We may also get ourselves into trouble by our shortsightedness or mistaken ideas. That is why we need to continue to take inventory of ourselves and continue to be accountable.
We are on a spiritual path that leads toward fuller manhood. We accept the beast within. More than that, we like him and take pleasure in him. He has the same source as our spiritual strength. As we get better acquainted with him, he brings a sense of awe and mystery about the untamed parts of ourselves. He instills us with zest and vitality that we release as explosions of energy and power. He is in the music we love and in our dancing. He comes out in our daydreams and night dreams - in our labor and sweat. And he is in our trickery and humor.
I am filled with gratitude for the beast within.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Loving, like prayer, is a power as well as a process. It's curative. It is creative. --Zona Gale
The expression of love softens us and the ones we love. It opens a channel between us. It invites an intimate response that closes the distance.
It feels good to express love, whether through a smile, a touch, or a prayer. It heightens our sense of being alive. Acknowledging another's presence means that we, too, are acknowledged. Each of us is familiar with feeling forgotten, unnoticed, or taken for granted, and recognition assures us all that we haven't been overlooked.
Knowing we are loved may be the key to our doing the things we fear. Love supports us to charge ahead, and we can support others to charge ahead. We know that if we fail, we have someone to turn to.
Love heals. It strengthens, making us courageous both when we receive it and when we give it. Knowing we are loved makes our existence special. It affirms that we count in another's life. We need to honor our friends by assuring them of their specialness, too.
I need others. I need to strengthen my supports, my connections to others for the security, even success, of each of us. I can express my love today, and assure my loved ones that they are needed. Then, they and I will surge ahead with new life.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Be Who You Are
When I meet people or get in a new relationship, I start putting all these repressive restrictions on myself. I cant have my feelings. Cant have my wants and needs. Cant have my history. Cant do the things I want, feel the feelings Im feeling, or say what I need to say. I turn into this repressed, perfectionistic robot, instead of being who I am: Me. --Anonymous
Sometimes, our instinctive reaction to being in a new situation is: Don't be yourself.
Who else can we be? Who else would you want to be? We don't need to be anyone else.
The greatest gift we can bring to any relationship wherever we go is being who we are.
We may think others wont like us. We may be afraid that if we just relax and be ourselves, the other person will go away or shame us. We may worry about what the other person will think.
But, when we relax and accept ourselves, people often feel much better being around us than when we are rigid and repressed. Were fun to be around.
If others don't appreciate us, do we really want to be around them? Do we need to let the opinions of others control our behavior and us?
Giving ourselves permission to be who we are can have a healing influence on our relationships. The tone relaxes. We relax. The other person relaxes. Then everybody feels a little less shame, because they have learned the truth. Who we are is all we can be, all were meant to be, and its enough. Its fine.
Our opinion of ourselves is truly all that matters. And we can give ourselves all the approval we want and need.
Today, I will relax and be who I am in my relationships. I will do this not in a demeaning or inappropriate way, but in a way that shows I accept myself and value who I am. Help me, God, let go of my fears about being myself.


Today I will accept what I have and what I am and what I see in this moment. I will be fully alive in this moment and feel the joy of knowing that it is all that there is right now. --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/meditations/?p=981

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More language of letting go
Don't let anger run your life

Cheryl's husband was a tyrant. His anger controlled most of her moves. He didn't get angry often, but when he did, he exploded in a rage. He broke things, he carried on. His rage terrified her.

"I've never done well with anger," Cheryl said, "either my own, or someone else's. I spent my childhood walking on eggshells, trying not to annoy my dad. Then I married a man whom I allowed to completely control me by the mere threat of his rage."

Whether we call them rageaholics, tyrants, or bullies, a lot of people in our world get their way by being mean. We may find ourselves instinctively walking on eggshells around these people, praying to God we don't set them off.

Anger is a powerful emotion. But we don't have to let anybody else's rage take control of our lives. If somebody you know or love is a bully or a tyrant, don't take it on yourself. Stop walking on eggshells and letting their rage control your every step. Instead of taking on their problem, try something different. Give their problem with being a bully back to them.

How do you deal with anger? Does somebody in your life use anger as a way of controlling you? It may be time to let go of your fear of setting off people.

If you are in a dangerous situation, then by all means, get out. If you are just allowing yourself to be controlled by the fear of an emotional outburst, then learn to say whatever when someone spouts off.


God, please don't let anyone's anger, including my own, be the master of my life.

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As Good As Your Word
Promises

Be careful with the promises you make as they are energetic vows taken seriously by our souls and the universe.


Ever since human beings could speak to one another, they have been making promises and keeping them or not keeping them. Those who keep their promises are regarded as people of integrity, while those who don’t keep their promises are regarded as people who at best can’t be taken seriously and at worst can’t be trusted. Sometimes we forget how powerful our words are, and we use them haphazardly or unconsciously, creating expectations that are never fulfilled, leaving disappointment and distrust in our wake.

On an even deeper level, there are promises we may have made to ourselves that we don’t remember because they have slipped into our unconscious. An early heartache may have been followed by a promise never to trust love again. Without realizing it, we may be fulfilling that promise and wondering why our love life looks so grim. At an even deeper level, many people who recall past lives become aware that they made a promise lifetimes ago that they are still keeping. For example, a vow of poverty taken in a lifetime as a monk may be holding someone back from fulfilling his earning potential now. Upon realizing that we have made a promise we no longer wish to be beholden to, we can perform a ritual of requesting release from that bond. In doing so, we clear ourselves of outmoded connections and patterns, returning ourselves to a clean slate. Then we can resolve to remember that our word is sacred and to be very conscious of any promises we make to ourselves or to others.

We may ask to be released from any promises made to ourselves or others in our present, past, or future lives, consciously or unconsciously, that are holding us back from fulfilling our greatest good. We may ask that love, light, and healing be sent to any souls who have suffered from our inability to be true to our word, including ourselves. We can ask for the wisdom to do our best and from this point forward to be true to our word, promising only what we truly intend to deliver. The resulting clear conscience and liberated energy will illustrate this truth: We are only as good as our word. Published with permission from Daily OM

[bluidkiti]

March 6

Wisdom for Today
One important word I heard from my sponsor over and over again was the word, “Yet.” During the early days of my recovery, I spent a good deal of time comparing myself to others and looking for how I was different and unique. Repeatedly my sponsor reminded me that every difference I could come up with had not happened to me yet. He understood the progressive nature of the disease of addiction to alcohol and drugs. He helped me learn about the progression of this illness. The truth was that I was looking for excuses. I was looking for a way out of having to work a recovery program. I was looking for ways to reinforce my denial.

But that word, “yet,” is a powerful word. It was a word I definitely needed to hear. I needed to understand that my addiction indeed could and would get worse if I let it. Before the program I really didn’t have a choice. I simply obeyed the voice of addiction. Once I got clean and sober, I did have a choice to continue to listen to the voice of addiction, or to listen to the words of wisdom that my sponsor provided. I had to accept the reality that addiction was cunning, baffling and powerful. I had to accept that it was patient and would wait for me. Do I understand that “YET” can happen to me?
Meditations for the Heart
Reaching out to others has helped me a great deal in my recovery. But reaching out for things of the Spirit is what has kept me focused. When I reach out for things like beauty, love, honesty and unselfishness, I have been able to fully enjoy an abundant life in my recovery. It is reaching out for things of the Spirit that has changed my inmost being. In the program we learn of the promises that recovery has to offer. This too is an important “yet.” The promises can and do come true for those that work the program and accept the gifts that the Spirit brings. Do I take time each day to reach out for things of the Spirit?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Thank You for the people You have placed in my life to teach me the importance of the word “yet.” Let me this day be focused on things of the Spirit. Let me reach out for the gifts of the program, so that I may claim the gifts and promises that You have to offer. Let me walk through this day seeking only to do Your will.

Amen.

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You are reading from the book Food for Thought.

Living Now

When we were eating compulsively, we left the here and now. We escaped into fantasy, and we were often unaware of how much we were eating. By some strange mental quirk, we were able to forget that we should have been burning up our excess fat, not adding more.

God is now. To make contact with Him is to bring ourselves in touch with what is real. When we first came to OA, we may have had doubts, if not downright disbelief, about the reality of God, but concrete experience has convinced most of us that a Higher Power is indeed in control.

In order to be rid of the mental obsession which drives us to the insane behavior of compulsive overeating, we practice being constantly tuned in to our Higher Power. He can restore us to sanity and keep us living in the present. By giving Him our past resentments and future fears, we become free to focus on the here and now. Without resentment and fear, we can see the beauty of the present moment.

Lord, keep me living in the here and now.

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March 6

This Mouse must give up one of the Mouse ways of seeing things in order that he may grow. --Hyemeyohsts Storm
There is an American Indian tale of a mouse who heard a roaring in his ears and set out to discover what it was. He encountered many animals who helped him on his way. Finally, the mouse had a chance to offer help to another. He gave away his eyes to help two other animals.
Without his sight, defenseless, he waited for the end. Soon he heard the sound eagles make when they dive for their prey. The next thing the mouse knew, he was flying. He could see all the splendor around him. Then he heard a voice say, "You have a new name. You are Eagle."
Like the mouse, we also feel something inside us we'd like to explore. That secret, like all others, has its answer hidden deep within us, yet right under our very nose. Often, we merely have to give up our eyes and see in a different way. When we do this, we are rewarded with a new kind of vision, one that lets us discover our true potential.
How can I look at things differently today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
A boy must be initiated into the world of men. It doesn't happen by itself; it doesn't happen just because he eats Wheaties. And only men can do this work. --Robert Ely
Many of us grew into manhood with a surface picture of what it means to be masculine. We had images of tough guys playing rough, but we weren't emotionally close enough to another man to really know him. Many of us never knew our fathers' strengths, passions, and weak points. It left us with a distorted picture of masculinity and not with an inner knowing. Getting close to other men is a new experience, and it may feel frightening or threatening.
We can develop close friendships with other males and let them know us as we are, rather than as this picture we try to imitate. This kind of relationship in play and work and troubled times is a central part of our spiritual recovery. Close relationships with other men teach us confidence in ourselves and give us inner security.
I will be aware today of men with whom 1 can develop a friendship and will take one small step toward them.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Life is made up of desires that seem big and vital one minute, and little and absurd the next. I guess we get what's best for us in the end. --Alice Caldwell Rice
It is often said that we will be granted our heart's "pure desires." When we have many unmet desires, maybe we should be grateful. Wants, ultimately not for our good, can open the way to many unneeded and painful experiences.
How often we sit, wishing for a better job, a more loving relationship, a different weather forecast. How seldom we take positive advantage of what is at hand, not realizing that whatever is, right now, is the ticket to the next act in the drama of our lives.
We have before us a very limited picture. We cannot possibly know just what we need to travel the distance that's in store for us. Our desires, when they are pure, will carry us to the right destination. They are inspired. But the desires that are motivated by our selfish egos will lead us astray. Many times in the past we did not give up those desires. And the painful memories linger.
Desiring God's will is my most fruitful desire. It's also what is best for me; thus, what I need. All things are working for good when I let my higher power determine my desires.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Peace
Anxiety is often our first reaction to conflict, problems, or even our own fears. In those moments, detaching and getting peaceful may seem disloyal or apathetic. We think: If I really care, Ill worry; if this is really important to me, I must stay upset. We convince ourselves that outcomes will be positively affected by the amount of time we spend worrying.
Our best problem solving resource is peace. Solutions arise easily and naturally out of a peaceful state. Often, fear and anxiety block solutions. Anxiety gives power to the problem, not the solution. It does not help to harbor turmoil. It does not help.
Peace is available if we choose it. In spite of chaos and unsolved problems around us, all is well. Things will work out. We can surround ourselves with the resources of the Universe: water, earth, a sunset, a walk, a prayer, a friend. We can relax and let ourselves feel peace.
Today, I will let go of my need to stay in turmoil. I will cultivate peace and trust that timely solutions and goodness will arise naturally and harmoniously out of the wellspring of peace. I will consciously let go and let God.


I am learning to trust my instincts and move away from unpleasant and stressful people, places and things. I no longer have to stay in situations that bring me unhappiness and pain. I am turning around today to see the joy. --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/meditations/?p=987

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Embraceable You
Comparing Yourself To Others

You are unique. There is no one else like you in the entire universe. In honor of your unique self, it is good to acknowledge and embrace the special qualities that make you the person that you are. One way to do this is to not compare yourself with other people.

It is human nature to want to see how we measure up in comparison to others – especially if we think that they are better than us or have more of something that we want. Yet the truth is that it is not a good use of time to compare ourselves with others because there is no one like us and this makes us incomparable. It is sometimes almost easier to look outside of ourselves and feel like we are deficient in comparison to other people rather than taking responsibility for our own progress in relation to the fulfillment of our life purpose. It actually takes more courage to be self-referential and look at ourselves to see whether we are measuring up to our standards or meeting our full potential. Each of us has very special gifts, and we are here for very specific reasons. We each have a life purpose to fulfill and with this come the lessons that we must learn and the circumstances that we must go through in order to evolve as spiritual beings. To compare our lives to other people’s lives when we have no idea of what they are here to learn or fulfill doesn’t benefit anyone – especially you.

Instead, if we can accept ourselves, appreciate the special talents and qualities that we alone possess, and realize that each of us is going through certain kinds of experiences for a reason, we are less likely focus so much on what other people have or are doing. Realizing and valuing our uniqueness enables us to bring out the best in ourselves so we can get on with living rather than preoccupying ourselves with meaningless comparisons. Try to not compare yourself to others, and you will see how much you have and how special you are. Published with permission from Daily OM

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More language of letting go
Neutralize conflicts

Unless you want a fight or an argument, don't give people anything to push against.

Here is a key to harmonizing with people who are upset or have a point of view different from your own. Stay so relaxed when you talk to them that you allow yourself to empathize with how they think and feel. That doesn't mean that you give in to people's every whim. It means, instead, that you are so clear and fucused that you can genuinely let other people be who they are, too.

It's both naive and egotistical to think that everyone thinks and feels the same as us. It's ridiculous to believe that everyone will agree with our point of view. One of the true signs of a person who is growing in consciousness is that he or she recognizes that each person has individual motives, desires, and feelings.

"Instead of meeting a verbal attack with a verbal counterattack you respond first by coming around to your attacker's point of view, seeing the situation from his or her viewpoint," wrote George Leonard in the Way of Akido.

He was talking about using a concept called "blending" to deal with verbal confrontations in our daily lives. "The response, whether physical or verbal, is quite disarming, leaving the attacker with no target to focus on. It's a means by which you can multiply your options in responding to any kind of attack."

If the person espousing his or her point of view is just trying to get us to react or has no desire for reconciliation, we can still neutralize the conflict by staying relaxed, letting the other person be, and responding by saying, "hmmm." It's a polite way of saying whatever, when expressing your disagreement would only lead to a senseless fight. At the least, you'll become a great conversationalist, a respectable art to be acquired. At best, you'll bring about world peace, at least in your corner of the world.


God, help me be so clear on who I am that I can generously afford to let other people be who they are, too. Help me set aside my defensive behavior, and teach me to blend with other people and see their point of view while not relinquishing my own.

[bluidkiti]

March 7

Wisdom for Today
A part of my trouble in recovery has been always to want to put things off. “Procrastination” should have been my middle name. When I was actively using alcohol and drugs, I was always trying to delay the inevitable. But this only kept me sick. I was very good at saying to myself, “I’ll quit tomorrow.” But tomorrow never came, and I would continue to get wasted. Stopping my insanity was not the only thing about which I procrastinated. I would put off paying bills and any other responsibility I could just so I would have more time to drink and use drugs.

In recovery I soon discovered that this character defect was still very active in my life. My sponsor would ask me to do something; and I would put it off as long as I could, always providing lots of excuses. I still did not want to put any energy into my recovery. I kept looking for an easier, softer way. Delay tactics and avoidance abounded in my life. It wasn’t until I honestly admitted to others and myself that procrastination is what my will wanted to do that a door was finally opened. I began to understand that if I was going to surrender completely, I needed to turn over my will to my Higher Power. I began asking God, as I understand Him, what He wanted me to do and began to do those things. Whether it was as simple as going to work or completing step work for my sponsor, I was able to begin to accomplish things. I still do not do this perfectly, but I keep getting better at it. I am making progress. How much is procrastination a part of my life?
Meditations for the Heart
Many people have asked the question, “What is the purpose of life?” I am not a philosopher or someone that pretends to know everything, but I believe for the alcoholic and addict the answer to this question lies within the program. “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we …” Our purpose is to achieve this spiritual awakening. We work through each of the steps and are training the soul for this awakening. In each of the steps we learn spiritual principles, acceptance, hope, turning it over, surrender, confession, etc. As a result of honestly working these steps, we achieve this awakening. Our character is molded and shaped by our experience in working these steps. A revolution takes place in our soul, and we are awakened to a newness of life. We gain a new understanding of meaning and purpose for our lives. Am I training my soul through working the steps?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Each day I need to remind myself to do Your will and not my will. Help me this day to accept the tasks that You set before me and to continue to do the next right thing. Help me to let You decide when I need to rest and when I need to work. Let me actively engage myself in training my soul for Your Divine Purpose.
Amen.

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You are reading from the book Food for Thought.

Accepting Abstinence

Abstinence is not so much something we achieve as it is a gift from our Higher Power. It is given to us constantly, from the time we wake up in the morning through every minute of the day.

If we think of abstinence as something we have to acquire through great effort, we will be afraid that we will fail. We will think of weeks and months and years stretching ahead of us and say, "I'll never make it."

Abstinence is given to us now, each day, and all we need to do is accept it. It is not something we do only in order to lose a certain number of pounds. By abstaining, we will lose the pounds, but when we are at our desired weight we continue to maintain abstinence. Abstinence is our freedom from compulsive overeating and the gift of new life.

Thank you, Lord, for abstinence.

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March 7

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
He who distributes the milk of human kindness cannot help but spill a little on himself. --James Barrie
We like ourselves best when we like those around us. When we smile at them, they smile back; when we ask them, they tell us about themselves. When we scowl at people, they'll frown back; when we ignore them, they'll walk away.
It's true that we get back what we put into things, whether it's work, play, love, or gardening. We decide by the extent of our commitment how valuable or enjoyable or depressing an experience can be for us.
Our actions toward others come right back to us. When we smile at people, they smile back, and we feel good. Sometimes feeling good about ourselves depends on feeling good about others. When we send out that smile of ours, those who get it pass it on, and we have added power to the happiness of the world.
What can I do to show my fondness for others today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
A controller doesn't trust his/her ability to live through the pain and chaos of life. There is no life without pain just as there is no art without submitting to chaos. --Rita Mae Brown
It is very hard for most of us to see how controlling we are. We may feel uptight or careful, but we haven't seen it as controlling ourselves or controlling how people respond to us. We may be worried about a loved one's behavior or safety, but not realize our hovering over that person is a controlling activity. We may be keenly aware of other people's controlling behavior with us, but unaware we have equaled their control by monitoring them and trying to change their behavior.
What a moment of spiritual adventure it is to risk living through the pain! When we do not seek an escape or a quick fix but have patience with the process, new possibilities often do develop. We can only let go of our control - or turn it over to our Higher Power. And we will do it and forget, taking control back within minutes or within an hour. Then we let go again.
Today, I will submit to the insecurity of a changing universe and have faith that 1 can live through the process and grow.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. --Anne Frank
We must take responsibility for ourselves, for who we become, for how we live each day. The temptation to blame others may be ever present. And much of our past adds up to wasted days or years perhaps, because we did blame someone else for the unhappiness in our lives.
We may have blamed our own parents for not loving us enough. We may have labeled our husbands the villains. Other people did affect us. That's true. However, we chose, you and I, to let them control us, overwhelm us, shame us. We always had other options, but we didn't choose them.
Today is a new day. Recovery has opened up our options. We are learning who we are and how we want to live our lives. How exhilarating to know that you and I can take today and put our own special flavor in it. We can meet our personal needs. We can, with anticipation, chart our course. The days of passivity are over, if we choose to move ahead with this day.
I will look to this day. Every day is a new beginning.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Fulfillment
Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything. Say it, until you believe it. Say it at the beginning of the day. Say it throughout the day.
Sometimes, it helps to know what we want and need. But if we don't, we can trust that God does.
When we ask, trust, and believe that our needs will be met, our needs will be met. Sometimes God cares about the silliest little things, if we do.
Today, I will affirm that my needs will be met. I will affirm that God cares and is the Source of my supply. Then I will let go and see that what I have risked to believe is the truth.


It is exciting to know that my thoughts and my actions in the present moment condition the next moment. I am responsible for my future. Today I am bringing awareness to my self-talk and replacing all negative thoughts with positive thoughts as soon as they appear on my mindscape. --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/meditations/?p=992

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More language of letting go
Recognize manipulations

Herein lies an irony: the person who is trying to manipulate you views you as having greater strength or power than he or she does.
--George H. Green and Carolyn Cotter,
Stop Being Manipulated

George Green and Carolyn Cotter describe manipulation as an encounter in which somone else attempts to contro, how you feel, behave, or think-- without your permission-- and it causes you discomfort as a result.

Most of us use manipulation, from time to time, to get what we want. Sometimes our manipulations are harmless, even cute. Both people know a low-grade manipulation is at hand. Both people basically want what the manipulator is working so hard to get-- dinner out, a movie, a walk through the park. It's not a big deal.

Other times, the stakes are higher and the people involved don't agree. That's when manipulations can be harmful. When we don't know what we want, when we're not clear with others and ourselves about how we feel, manipulation is in the air.

Sometimes manipulations are conscious and deliberate. Other times they're unconscious, foggy attempts to get what we want.

"Let's simplify our definition of manipulation," suggest Green and Cotter. "If an encounter leaves you feeling crummy, it probably involves manipulation of some sort."

Isn't it ironic that sometimes the very feeling we're trying to deny is exactly what we need to be feeling to take care of ourselves?

Next time you're faced with a situation that leaves you feeling crummy, take a moment to see if a manipulation was involved. Remember that whenever others try to manipulate you, they perceive you as having something they want and as being more powerful than they are. If you're powerful enough to be a target for a manipulation, you're powerful enough to take care of yourself.


God, help me let go of my belief that I need to manipulate other people to get what I want. Help me stop letting others manipulate me.

[bluidkiti]

March 8

Wisdom for Today
Today is a wonderful day, for I have no reason to fear. There was a time when this was not the case. I can remember always looking in the rearview mirror and expecting to see the police. I recall always being concerned about what my boss was thinking and wondering if he was on to me. I recall being wrapped up and controlled by fear. It made many of my decisions for me. I no longer need to be afraid because of what the program has done and continues to do for me.

Facing addiction to alcohol and drugs is not something I need to do alone. I have a support system of other addicts and alcoholics in my corner. I have a strong relationship with my Higher Power. I have a sponsor and many friends I can rely on to see me through the struggles I have in my life. Not having to face life alone and having confidence that my support system will not let me down has helped me rid my life of constant fear. Knowing that I can go to my Higher Power for strength and courage helps me to stay on track and deal with problems I may face rather than looking for a way out. Yes, today is a wonderful day. Am I facing life with courage?
Meditations for the Heart
One thing I learned in my addiction was that drinking and drugging were not as reliable as I first thought they were. In recovery I am really beginning to understand that God, as I understand Him, is very reliable. He is always there for me. All I need to do is turn to Him and let Him know what is going on and ask for direction. In His own way He reaches out to me and lets me know what I need to do. Sometimes I hear His words in what others say at meetings. Sometimes I hear His words in my morning readings and meditations. Sometimes I hear Him in the quiet places of my soul. But He is always there and always reliable. This is more than I can say for alcohol and drugs. They left me hanging in the lurch all the time. I never knew where to turn. I didn’t know which way was up. In recovery I have learned to look up for my answers. Do I have faith in the reliability of my Higher Power?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

Let me rejoice in this day because it is a day that I no longer have to fear. I know that this gift is from You, my Divine Spirit. Let me always turn to You in my time of need. Let me always listen for Your voice for the answers I am seeking. Help me this day to walk the walk that You want me to walk. Keep me on the right path.

Amen.

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You are reading from the book Food for Thought.

"Normal" Eating

The idea that we will one day be able to eat spontaneously, like normal people, is a delusion. We compulsive overeaters tend to think that once we lose our excess pounds, we can go back to "normal" eating. Not so.

It is our experience that once a compulsive overeater, always a compulsive overeater. There is no way we will ever be able to eat spontaneously without eventually getting into trouble. When we reach our desired weight, we continue to eat three measured meals a day with nothing in between, and we continue to avoid entirely our personal binge foods.

When we accept our permanent need to abstain, when we accept the fact that we can never return to what we thought was normal eating, then we can stop making irrational attempts at experimentation which always fail. By accepting our disease and learning to live with it, we become sane and free. We see that our new eating plan is really very normal. It was the old compulsive overeating habit which was abnormal in the extreme.

Thank you, Lord, for sanity.

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March 8

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Laughter by definition is healthy. --Doris Lessing
A hearty laugh can warm a cold room and make our spirits soar. But many of us are afraid to laugh, especially when we make mistakes. We think we're supposed to be perfect, and we don't allow ourselves to make mistakes. However, we're not a mold punched out by a machine. We're human beings, with all our wonderful flaws. It is those flaws that make our lives interesting and surprising. Who knows when we might accidentally bump into a chair or catch our sweater on a doorknob? We needn't feel self-conscious, it happens to many of us.
The ability to laugh at ourselves is a gift from God. All we need to do is grab it and use it. Then we will see how healthy and powerful laughter can be.
Can I find the humor in my mistakes today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
Before the rain stops we hear a bird. Even under the heavy snow we see snowdrops and some new growth. --Shunryu Suzuki
The signals that new growth is underway are often very small at first. It's sometimes discouraging when we are trying to remake our lives and all we can see for our efforts is minor growth. That is how the natural world works, and we are part of this world. When the little sprouts of growth first develop under the snow in spring we don't even see them unless we search. Yet, they signal the beginnings of a total transformation. Time will bring vast changes, but only little signs are showing first.
Today, we may search for signs of progress in our lives. The little things we see may signal bigger transformations yet to come. To be true to them in the long run we must accept them - even welcome them - as they are today.
I will notice the subtle movements toward health and renewal in my life. Welcoming them will encourage them.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
To create is to boggle the mind and alter the mood. Once the urge has surged, it maintains its own momentum. We may go along for the ride, but when we attempt to steer the course, the momentum dies. --Sue Atchley Ebaugh
A sense of spiritual well-being warms us when we are selfless, when we step away from our obsessing egos, when we let our pure, unfettered desires direct our thoughts and our steps. Our egos may be keeping us caged in old behavior, old fears. Egos struggle for self-preservation; unfortunately, it's our old, unhealthy self the ego is preserving.
The Steps make it possible for us to unload our baggage from earlier days, baggage that intrudes on our perceptions of today's events. The Steps clear the path so we can move responsibly forward.
Living creatively is living in the thick of the flow, trusting the flow, spontaneously moving with the flow, not controlling the flow. We are Spirit-full when we let ourselves roll forward, resisting not, doubting not. And our greatest contributions will be discovered when our ego takes a rest.
My creativity awaits my discovery. It's there. I will release it from the clutches of my ego.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Surrender
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him. --Step Three of Al Anon
Surrendering to a Power greater than ourselves is how we become empowered.
We become empowered in a new, better, more effective way than we believed possible.
Doors open. Windows open. Possibilities occur. Our energy becomes channeled, at last, in areas and ways that work for us. We become in tune with the Plan for our life and our place in the Universe.
And there is a Plan and Place for us. We shall see that. We shall know that. The Universe will open up and make a special place for us, with all that we need provided.
It will be good. Understand that it is good, now.
Learning to own our power will come, if we are open to it. We do not need to stop at powerlessness and helplessness. That is a temporary place where we re evaluate where we have been trying to have power when we have none.
Once we surrender, it is time to become empowered.
Let the power come, naturally. It is there. It is ours.
Today, I will be open to understanding what it means to own my power. I will accept powerlessness where I have no power; I will also accept the power that is mine to receive.


With every breath that I take, healing is taking place. I relax safely in the knowledge that positive, healing energy is working in my life today. I am being renewed and refreshed and energized. --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/meditations/?p=1001

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More language of letting go
Learn to deal with manipulations

Even if you understand and follow all of the rules for more effectively engaging manipulators, life with them is not likely to be easy.
--George K.Simon Jr.

Sometimes they want something. Sometimes they want someone. Sometimes they want someone to give them something or to feel a particular way. They want power, in some way, shape, or form. Manipulators prey on our weak spots.

Obsession and guilt are weapons.

Manipulators get us to use these weapons on ourselves.

Sometimes we can disengage from manipuliators-- walk away, set a clear limit, be done with them. Other times, it's not that easy. We may be at least temporarily stuck with a boss or authority figure who indulges in heavy manipulation. One of our children may be going through a relentlessly manipulative period. We may have a parent whom we care about deeply who had adapted manipulation as a way of life.

Learn how to effectively deal with manipulation. Not everyone means what they say. People fling words about to hit on guilty, vain, or frightened spots. Recognize that tinge of guilt or coercion you feel when other people are trying to force you to do it their way. Learn to recognize when others are telling you what they believe you want to hear. Learn to not react, stay clear, practice nonresistance, and stay true to yourself.

Be gentle with yourself, if you have a manipulator in your life. You're not responsible for the other person's attempts at manipulation. You're responsible for staying clear.


God, help me let go of the weak spots in myself that allow me to fall prey to manipulation. Help me stay clear of guilt and obsession so I can decide what's best for me.

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Gifts From The Universe
Accepting Your Family

Accepting our family doesn't mean we have to like them; acceptance can free your soul to live the life you want.


Families can contain a fascinating grouping of personalities. Despite the potential for so many to have similar traits, there are many different ways to express them. As people marry into families and have children, even more personalities enter the picture. There may be some people that we would not choose to be related to, but that's what friends are for.

If we trust in a universe that has a higher purpose for everything, then we must believe that family members are in our lives for a good reason. These reasons may be easy to see and appreciate with some, but others may offer us a challenge. With those, we can look for something we can learn or perhaps teach. In the modern world where everyone seeks to be individuals, many move far away from their families in an attempt to escape them. But when we've successfully built a world around us that requires no one's help, our families are the people who are still attached to us. We can still choose whether or not to honor the family ties, and how to treat each other, but the fact remains that we are energetically tied to our families.

Our families help us see where we have come from so that we may more clearly decide where we'd like to go. If we can learn to accept our families for who they are, then we go out into the world armed with the ability to deal with anyone. Some families are better than others at preparing us for the world. What we learn from our families, even if they are simply blank spots on our family trees, becomes the basis of our identities as individuals. Rather than denying our connections, we can choose to accept their presence in our lives. Acceptance does not mean we have to like them; we simply acknowledge that we are connected to them and honor that connection for like it or not, there is a reason. When we can embrace all that they bring into our experience, we may be grateful for all we have learned from them and have to learn, while we experience everything that comes with family fully and completely. Published with permission from Daily OM

[bluidkiti]

March 9

Wisdom for Today
Sometimes I grow restless in my recovery. I have an itch that something is not right with my life. I grow impatient, and I want my life to change. This restlessness of the spirit is something that all addicts and alcoholics experience from time to time in the recovery process. We can try to ignore the itch, but this does not work. The restlessness continues. When I grow restless, I have discovered that it is often because I have left something undone. I have unfinished work to do. It may be because I have more work to do on one of the steps. It may be because I have become lazy in my spiritual life and not attended to taking care of myself spiritually. It may be because I have become stubborn about not making changes that I need to make. It may be that I have let my meeting attendance or service work slip.

Regardless of the reason, my restlessness is a sign to which I need to pay attention. This restlessness of my spirit tells me that something is amiss in my life. Ignoring this restlessness only can lead to trouble. All of us know what happens when we ignore a health problem and try to be our own physician. The problem becomes worse until we finally seek help. Unfortunately, sometimes people wait when they become restless until it is too late, and the consequences can be severe or even deadly. When my spirit becomes restless, I know I must not try to be my own physician. I need to reach out to others in the program and talk about what is going on until I discover what the cause of my restlessness is. Once I discover what this restlessness is about, I continue to use others in recovery to help me bring the restlessness to an end. Do I pay attention to my spirit when it becomes restless?
Meditations for the Heart
To know peace is to receive a gift from God. In the midst of a world that often surrounds me with noise and confusion, I can know peace. I can know a peace that passes all human understanding. I can know a peace that is a gift from God, with whom I have a relationship. I can have a serenity that allows me not to be bothered by all the noise and confusion. I can walk through my day without being troubled by worry. I truly wish I were capable of hanging onto this peace in all that I do, but the reality is that I can get caught up in all the distractions that the noise and confusion can bring. In recovery I give thanks for the time I can hold onto this peace. I get better at holding onto it for longer periods of time the longer I stay clean and sober. Still I find too often I want to get back in charge and end up ruining the peace I have. At times when this happens, I go back to the beginning and honestly admit that I am lost again. I ask my Higher Power to lead me back to the path that leads to His peace. I surrender, and I find the peace again, or more accurately I should say His peace finds me. Am I open to accepting His peace?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

You know how I can get off track and know how easy it is for me to be distracted. Help me this day to stay focused and open to receive Your gift of peace. Should I become restless today, help me to take action to correct whatever is out of whack. Help me to use the tools and the people You have put in my life. Let me not ignore restlessness in my spirit.

Amen.

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You are reading from the book Food for Thought.

When we were overeating, we sought an ultimate experience of satisfaction from food. No matter what kind of food we ate, or how much, we never found that moment of satisfaction, that ultimate "ah". It was always just ahead, in the next bite.

Have we finally realized that the ultimate "ah" which we looked for in food does not exist? No matter what we eat, or how much, it will always elude us. Whatever we are looking for--happiness, success, peace, and fulfillment--it is not to be found in the refrigerator.

We do not promise that working the OA program will bring instant gratification or constant happiness. What we do know is that through the Twelve Steps we are given positive experiences which we did not have before OA. We are happier, more successful, more at peace, and more fulfilled than we ever were before we found this program.

By realizing that food holds no ultimate "ah", we can stop destroying ourselves by chasing a rainbow which does not exist.

May I stop searching for happiness where it is not to be found.

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March 9

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
There is no such thing as a long piece of work, except one that you dare not start. --Charles Baudelaire
A big assignment can be scary to face. We may start to think that how we do on the assignment will determine if we're good or bad people. The more we think about it, the harder that task seems. The key to overcoming our negative feelings is to say to ourselves that we are capable of finishing our projects. We must say it over and over until we start believing it's true. Then we can attack the assignment with vitality and positive energy we didn't know we had.
We can make up our minds to do our best and accept that from ourselves. We say Edison was a genius, but our light bulbs still burn out regularly. Even Einstein was wrong once in a while, and he knew it, but that didn't stop him from trying.
When we feel afraid to start something because it seems too big a job, let's stop and think what the first step would be, and do each small step in its own time.
What can I start that I've been putting off?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own shin.
--Andre Berthiaume
The masks men wear are as varied as those who wear them, but their purpose is quite simple. We wear masks to hide our real faces from those around us and even from ourselves. There are seductive masks, innocent masks, white knight masks, tough guy masks, black sheep masks, lone wolf masks, and many more. Sometimes we want to take on another identity so others won't see our insecurities. Or we think taking the form of someone else will give us power over others, or they will like us better, or we can escape ourselves.
The cost of wearing a mask is not getting a chance to develop our real personalities. What masks are we attached to? Are we willing to give them up in the interest of our spiritual growth?
May I have the courage to drop my phony masks in order to grow stronger in self knowledge.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
I want to get you excited about who you are, what you are, what you have, and what can still be for you. I want to inspire you to see that you can go far beyond where you are right now. --Virginia Satir
Deciding to recover was our first step. That decision meant we did want to go beyond where we were. We did want something better for ourselves. And at times, in fleeting moments, we have been excited about who we are and our prospects for a better life.
The excitement and the inspiration come and go; they are seldom stationary. We can actively create the excitement and the inspiration. We need not wait for them to come to us. That's one of the choices we have as human beings, as women.
Passively waiting for "the good life" is past behavior. Each day, this day, we can set our sights on reaching a goal--we can take a step, or two, toward that goal. Progress is there for the making--achievement is there for the taking.
Whatever our hearts' pure desires, we can move toward that goal. We are what we need to be. We have what we need to move ahead.
Today, I will let my excitement for life's possibilities spur me on.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Taking Care of Ourselves
We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another persons feelings. Its impossible; the two acts contradict.
What a tremendous asset to have compassion for others! How difficult that same quality can make it to set boundaries!
Its good to care about other people and their feelings; its essential to care about ourselves too. Sometimes, to take good care of ourselves, we need to make a choice.
Some of us live with a deeply ingrained message from our family, or from church, about never hurting other peoples feelings. We can replace that message with a new one; one that says its not okay to hurt ourselves. Sometimes, when we take care of ourselves, others will react with hurt feelings.
That's okay. We will learn, grow, and benefit by the experience; they will too. The most powerful and positive impact we can have on other people is accomplished by taking responsibility for ourselves, and allows others to be responsible for themselves.
Caring works. Caretaking doesn't. We can learn to walk the line between the two.
Today, I will set the limits I need to set. I will let go of my need to take care of other peoples feelings and instead take care of my own. I will give myself permission to take care of myself, knowing its the best thing I can do for others and myself.


Today I know that I am in charge of the quality of my life. I am growing in the ability to become aware of the thoughts that have been controlling me. --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/meditations/?p=1006

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More language of letting go
Know your limits

While it's good to be compassionate, we can become overly compassionate, too. Don't work so hard at not judging other people, that you forget to pay attention to what you don't like.

"I know what it feels like to be abandoned and left. I don't like the feeling, so I'm not going to leave my boyfriend," Clara says. She's living with a man who abuses her emotionally and physically.

"I'm not going to judge her," Ralph says about his new wife. She's using cocaine and stealing money from him to get high. "She's had a hard life, and I haven't walked in her shoes."

"I need to be compassionate and nonjudgemental with my son," Robert says about a child who's driving him to distraction with his manipulations and lies. "He's had a hard life. His mother died when he was three. And I'm the only person he's got left."

You can set boundaries with someone, without judging that person. You can decide that behaviors are inappropriate and hurt you, without condemning that person.

Don't forget, you have a right to say"ouch."

We can say whatever with compassion and still take care of ourselves.


God, help me set appropriate limits with the people in my life.

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The Good In All
Looking Deeply

We need to look deeply into all things in our lives to see the inherent goodness at the heart of everything.
Sometimes we find it difficult to see the good in people, places, or situations that aren't to our liking. We focus on the things we don't like in our lives as a way of fueling our efforts to create change. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, and it is one way we make progress. However, if we get too caught up in this way of looking at the world, we lose touch with our ability to sit back and simply say yes to everything on our plates, which is the true starting point for all successful activity. Sometimes what we really need is to encourage ourselves to look deeply into all things in our lives to see the inherent goodness at the heart of everything.

At the core of this inquiry is the practice of unconditional acceptance, which can be scary because we feel as if we are being asked not to change the things we don't like. But when we think this way, we are still operating on the surface of our lives. In order to feel the beauty and warmth of full acceptance, we have to be willing to sink deeper into the stratum underlying the external manifestation of our lives. This deeper place of being is the origin of all lasting change, yet its paradox is that when we are in it, we often don't feel the need to change anything. From this place, we experience the pure beauty of the process of being alive, and we see that all things change in their own time. We don't need to force anything. If there are things that we do need to change, from this place of serenity we create the shift easily, our hands guided by an energy that resides at the very center of our hearts.

In our active, goal-oriented culture, we learn to distrust stillness and to engage in busywork on the surface of life. This tendency can blind us to the good that lies at the heart of all things. But all we have to do to see again is stop for a moment, let go of our preconceptions and our agendas, and settle into the very center of our hearts, remembering that it is only from here that we can truly see. Published with permission from Daily OM

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March 10

Wisdom for Today
There are many things that determine if someone is going to successful in staying clean and sober. But it starts in one place for all of us, a capacity to be honest. Each of us regardless of how far down we have gone must start recovery with an honest admission that we are licked. I had to admit that living my life my way just didn’t work. Like many addicts and alcoholics I continued to play games and tried to make bargains with recovery, but it just didn’t work. Eventually I had to honestly admit defeat. Addiction had won; it was stronger than I was.

At the point of my admission that I was defeated came the beginning of victory. In desperation I reached out, and I looked deep within. I drew on the last bits of decency inside of me and on the finite possibility that there might be another way. I was fortunate to have had some spiritual training as a child. I could draw on these memories and reach out to a God that I really didn’t yet understand and honestly ask for help. I was able to draw on the last pieces of morality that existed inside. I have had to do an awful lot since that day to stay clean and sober, but I know that this honest admission is where recovery started for me. This honest admission that I was desperate and needed help was the beginning. Have I had this spiritual experience?
Meditations for the Heart
Today I have learned much about what it is that I need to do to stay clean and sober. I have learned much about how to live my life. I do not do this perfectly, but I am always making progress. I have had to deal with many traumatic events in my life in recovery just like many of my peers. Just because we stop drinking and using does not mean that we don’t have any more problems. But those that handle these problems with help from others and do it without relapse all have something in common. Each of us has worked hard to make countless small deposits into out spiritual bank. Each time I am filled with gratitude and praise for the grace I have been given, I make a deposit. Each moment I spend in prayer and meditation I make a deposit. Each time I rely on God’s will for me rather than my own, I make a deposit. Each time I seek to improve my conscious contact with God, as I understand Him, I make a deposit. Steadily over time these deposits grow. Then when tragedy comes – and in this life it does happen, I am able to make withdrawals from my spiritual bank. My Higher Power, who manages this account, always sees to it that I have enough reserves. He never gives me more than I can handle. He makes sure that I have what I need to cope with any crisis, struggle or setback. Am I faithfully making deposits in my spiritual bank?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,

You indeed have shown me Your love. I have done nothing to deserve Your care and concern, yet You have graciously reached out to me in moments of defeat and lifted me up. You make sure that I have what I need each day. Let me walk with You hand-in- hand today on this journey of recovery.

Amen.

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You are reading from the book Food for Thought.

Fellowship

Compulsive overeating is a lonely activity. The more we eat, the more we isolate ourselves from other people and the more alienated and different we feel. We need people, but we do not like ourselves, and we fear that others will reject us.

What a relief to find a group of other people with the same problems and feelings! We are accepted, understood, and loved. We find that we are not so different after all.

The OA fellowship exudes a sense of warmth and support. It is a safe place to put aside masks and express honest feelings. There is healing and strength. Meetings and retreats have given many of us a deeper experience of belonging than we have found anywhere else. We are all accepted as we are and where we are in our personal development.

No one tells us what to do in OA. Through the fellowship, we learn what has worked for others and we find relief from our loneliness.

Bless our fellowship, Lord.

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March 10

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
The older you get the more you realize that kindness is synonymous with happiness. --Lionel Barrymore
Once in a while, we forget about the kind things people have done for us. Do we remember the next-door neighbor who helped us get our kite out of a tree, or the brother who helped us finish a project for school? If we think about these kindnesses, we will remember how happy we were to receive them.
These people and others may need a kindness we can give. Our next-door neighbor may get sick and need us to go to the store, a brother or sister may need to borrow a radio, or the elderly person down the street may need the lawn mowed. Whenever we take the time to give a kindness, we will find that like the boomerang, it returns to us in the form of happiness.
Will I be alert to my chances to give kindness today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. --Helen Keller
The human race is a huge mixture of dignity and degradation and every man inherits the blend. We can respect the slave in us for his endurance and suffering. And the king in us earns our respect for his leadership and justice. Are we ashamed of who we are or where we have come from? Then we may have to look deeper and ask if we are really different from any other man.
Do we believe we must conform to some mold of acceptability, some proper appearance? Are we so focused on the surface that we miss the deeper values of our humanness? Sometimes we take on a reverse smugness and become judgmental of the person who looks successful or speaks well. We think, "I can't like him, he's in a different class." We all need acceptance and respect, and in this program we are equals from the first day.
God, grant me the self esteem to accept the whole mixture that comes together in me and in the people around me.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
It is healthier to see the good points of others than to analyze our own bad ones. --Francoise Sagan
Looking for the good in others is good for one's soul. Self-respect, self-love grows each time we openly acknowledge another's admirable qualities. Comparisons we make of ourselves with others, focusing on how we fail to measure up (another woman is prettier, thinner, more intelligent, has a better sense of humor, attracts people, and on and on) is a common experience. And we come away from the comparison feeling generally inadequate and unloving toward the other woman.
It is a spiritual truth that our love for and praise of others will improve our own self-image. It will rub off on us, so-to-speak. An improved self-image diminishes whatever bad qualities one has imagined.
Praise softens. Criticism hardens. We can become all that we want to become. We can draw the love of others to us as we more willingly offer love and praise. We have an opportunity to help one another as we help ourselves grow in the self-love that is so necessary to the successful living of each day.
I will see the good points in others today. And I will give praise.


You are reading from the book The Language Of Letting Go.
Living with Families
I was forty-six years old before I finally admitted to myself and someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty, angry, and controlled. --Anonymous
We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and care about us. But interacting with some members may be a real trigger to our codependency - sometimes to a deep abyss of shame, rage, anger, guilt, and helplessness.
It can be difficult to achieve detachment, or an emotional level, with certain family members. It can be difficult to separate their issues from ours. It can be difficult to own our power.
Difficult, but not impossible.
The first step is awareness and acceptance - simple acknowledgment, without guilt, of our feelings and thoughts. We do not have to blame our family members. We do not have to blame or shame ourselves. Acceptance is the goal - acceptance and freedom to choose what we want and need to do to take care of ourselves with that person. We can become free of the patterns of the past. We are recovering. Progress is the goal.
Today, Higher Power, help me be patient with myself as I learn how to apply recovery behaviors with family members. Help me strive today for awareness and acceptance.


I am open and willing to take a step forward in a new direction. I am no longer allowing myself to stay stuck by old thoughts and feelings. This new place is exciting and energizing. --Ruth Fishel

God help me to stay sober and clean today!

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http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/meditations/?p=1009

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More language of letting go
Let it be

Life is a series of letting go's-- an "infinite" series of letting go's. All things in life are given us on loan. Stand face-to-face with life, learn to let go, and whatever comes our way-- success or failure, joy or sorrow, support or betrayal, light or darkness-- it all blesses us. Once we have leanred to let go, we are prepared for whatever life gives us. And death itself is nothing to be feared.
--Matthew Fox

For many years, I resisted the concept of letting go. I resisted mostly because I didn't understand what people were talking about.I'd be loudly obsessing about something. "Just let go," they'd say. "Okay," I'd say. Then I'd walk away and wonder what they meant, and mostly how to do it. Soon, I caught on. If I didn't want people harping at me about letting go, I needed to obsess silently. Privately. Or at least in the presence of someone who wouldn't lecture me about letting go.

As the years wore on, I was forced into letting go. Eventually I even wrote a book called The Language of Letting Go. I thought it was the end of my need to practice letting go.

When my son died, I learned that writing the book was only a prelude, an introductory course, in letting go. Over the years that followed, I gradually began to learn a new respect for this behavior called letting go.

Letting go is a behavior we can practice each day, whatever the circumstances in our lives. It's a behavior that benefits relationships we want to work. It's a helpful behavior in insane relationships, too. It's a useful tool to use when we really want to bring something or someone into our lives, and in accomplishing out goals. It's a helpful tool to use on outdated behaviors such as low self-esteem and manipulation.

Letting go takes the emotional charge, the drama, out of things and restores us to a sense of balance, peace, and spiritual power.

Letting go works well on the past and the future. It brings us into today.

Paraphrasing the mystic writer Matthew Fox, everything that comes, comes to pass. Denystify letting go. It's not as complicated as it sounds. Learning the art of letting go really means learning to calmly let things be.


God, help me learn to let go.

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Anything Can Be Overcome
Hope in Hardship

There is nothing in our life that cannot be overcome with time, love, friendship and attention to the matter.


The journey that each human being makes through earthly existence can have hardship as often as it is touched by joy. When we encounter adversity, the stress we feel can erode our optimism, eventually convincing us that the issues we face cannot be overcome. In truth, there is no situation so dire, no challenge so great, and no choice so bewildering that it cannot be overcome. Though we may believe that all avenues have been closed to us or that our most conscientious efforts will come to naught, we are never without feasible options. The best course of action may be veiled in doubt, but it is there. When we are honest with ourselves with regard to this simple fact, we can overcome anything because we will never stop looking for a solution to the challenges before us.

Self-trust coupled with a sturdy plan is the ultimate antidote to adversity's tendency to inspire disillusionment in the human mind. As difficult as the obstacle plaguing you seems, it is no match for the love of a supportive universe that has been a part of your life since the day of your birth and will be with you forevermore. Try not to be misguided by your fear as this gives rise to the notion that there are problems without solutions. If you believe in your capabilities and dedicate yourself to the creation of some form of resolution, you will be surprised to discover that paths that were once closed to you miraculously open. Even if all you can do is change your perspective to turn an impediment into an opportunity to grow, you will have found the hope that is an inherent element of all hardship.

Remember that your destiny is a product of your own creation. Even when it seems you have nowhere left to turn, there is a solution waiting for you. The only insurmountable obstacles are the ones you create in your own mind'and these can only exert power over you if you let them. Uncertainty will always be a part of your existence, but perseverance and mindfulness will never fail to see you through to the other side of hardship where joy can thrive. Try and remember that no matter what life places at your feet, there is absolutely no situation that cannot be resolved with time, love, and friendship. Published with permission from Daily OM